Random bad joke

I went to a zoo the other week and it had just one dog in it.

It was a shi-tzu.

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

My dog used to chase a man on his bike.

I had to take his bike away.

If you suck at playing trumpet,

that's probably why.

Well, to be Frank,

I'd have to change my name.

Dogs can't operate MRI machines,

but cat scan.

I just found out I'm colour blind.

It came completely out of the purple.

Lance isn't a very popular name these days,

but in medieval times people were called Lance-a-lot.

My dog, Minton, ate a shuttlecock.

Bad Minton.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

Do you want to hear a construction joke?

I'm still working on it.

I once fell in love with a broken elevator.

It was wrong on so many levels.

This thesaurus is terrible.

Not only that, it's terrible.

I'm terrified of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

I organised a date at the gym, but she didn't turn up.

I don't think we're going to work out.

I was arrested for playing loud music in my allotment.

Charged with disturbing the peas.

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they can tell which witch is which.

What do you call a person who never farts in public?

A private tutor.

I used to be a banker,

but I lost interest.

I lost my job at the orange juice factory.

I couldn't concentrate.

I bought a wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine.

It wooden go.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

I bought a reversible jacket.

I'm excited to see how it turns out.

I told a joke about a roof.

It went over everyone's head.

What do you call an alligator in a waistcoat?

An investigator.

I couldn't work out why the cricket ball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

I wrote a joke on a piece of paper.

It was tearable.

My holiday in Switzerland was lovely.

The flag was a big plus.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

I used to work in a can-crushing factory.

It was soda pressing.

I used to hate facial hair.

Then it grew on me.

I told my suitcase there'd be no holiday this year.

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

A book fell off the bookcase and hit me.

I've only got my shelf to blame.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one.

I opened a restaurant called Karma.

There's no menu; you get what you deserve.